I am soooooo sorry to be late with my swaps... I am so totally embarrassed..... to be late that is... To the person I am sending the quiltie to... well my sewing machine was on the fritz... so I had to just glue and staple the stuff on... IT doesn't look TOOOOO terribly bad... To the swapper I'm sending 3 ATC's to .... well I HAD them made.. THEN I was reading the forums... about the sticker on the card stock thangs... well... IIIIIIII think they are really nice stickers... stars and all... and I didn't use CARD STOCK.. I just ripped out a page from my daughters notebook so .. really it's not TO flimsy... I liked it so you SHOULD too... and to the lady I was making the DOTTIE DOLL... well.. I have never made one before and so .... found out... I'm not to good at it... but REALLY what do you want... it is in the eye of the ARTIST that made it .. isn't that what SWAPPING is alllll about... not judging just be EXTREEMLY appreciative with what you get... the ol.. don't look a gift horse in the mouth thang.... anyway... they will be a bit late... I have them all packed up and postage on them... I was on my way to the car to mail them when my husband said he needed HELP putting a COW back together.... so I put the packages under my arm and off we went to the barn to DO THE DEED.... The ol cow was already in the shoot.. thank goodness... I wanted to put the packages down but he said JUST GET IN THERE AND HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!.... THE COW IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THOSE STUPID THINGS YOU MAKE... hummmm...so being the submissive wife that I truly am.... I positioned myself to help... trying to hang onto the packages under my left arm.. I had to push the uterus BACK into the cow... at which time I dropped the packages.. SHE the cow that is... then peed all over me... and the packages... after all that uterus was sitting on her so she couldn't go for awhile... so ... there was gallons of the stuff... once I had the uterus turned right side in and I had to HOLD it in place... up to my shoulder you know... I had to push her anus back in... she had prolapsed both... poor girl... well... then she had to poop on me and the packages.... because it's like you know ... using a supository... so... I have my arm to my shoulder in the uterus.. my fist to my elbow up the.... well you know what... SHE kept trying to push me OUT of her... my husband of course was taking his sweet time... EVERYTIME she would push... my fist would come out and she would POOT TOOT ... well my face is like right there... after awhile of breathing all that methane gas she was emitting.... I got a bit nauseated... needed to puke... REALLY I TRIED to miss the packages... but... well... they did get a little on them... so I was holding the parts of the cow IN ... Puking... covered with pee and poop... my husband behind me ... arms around me... with a HUDGE needle and thread that was more like a shoe lace... HE had the nerve to keep yelling at me because the ol gal kept pushing my fist out of her you know what... poot tooting the gas and me retching... and well all over the packages I'm REALLY SORRY.. I DID try to miss..... oh did I say they DID HAVE the postage on them... well he sewed her up so her parts stayed put... FINELLY we were done.... we let the ol gal go.. but she stepped all over the packages.... not to bad tho... OH MY what to do now... after all they DO have the postage on them... HUMMMM they are out in the sun drying ..... money is tight as you all know... don't want to repackage and loose all that postage.... I am sure they will dry soon... day or so... I THINK the puke poo and pee MAY have soaked through... not to sure tho.... It shouldn't be toooo terribly bad... I REALLY don't want to unpack them and check... Postage you know.... money being tight... I'll give em a few days and send them off.... PLEASE RATE ME.... I should get a 5 and several hearts if possible... I tried so hard... and I DID COMMUNICATE with you they WOULD BE LATE.... SOOO by all rights you should NOT give me a 3...
(Try not to laugh to hard... this actually happened... minus the packages... farm life you know.... gotta do what ya gotta do ... cows are money.... money's tight...)

ROFL~TOO, TOO FUNNY!

wow ,,,,,TMI .......LOL...I thought maybe you made your crafts stuff out of your cow parts lol by the way the story was going.So funny

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Wow, so sorry your swaps are late...Yesterday as soon as I was going to start working on them, I realized that my hands were sort of cold. So I have to knit myself some mittens, but I don't know how to knit, and I have to make my own yarn.

I can't beat the cow story, lol

I don't think anyone will ever beat the cow story! :-)

Nope - that cow story was unbeatable and a great way to start my diet as I went totally off the idea of lunch! Soooooooooo funny!

HAHAHAHAHAHA....I'm crying from laughing so hard!

We are still laughing about it too... My son Kevin 17 was holding the TAIL out of the way... nice of him... they hurt when they whip you in the face. He kept saying... OMG MOM that is soooooo gross.... OMG mom stop puking.... HELLO I CAN'T... Why don't you be NICE and TRADE places with me... HELL NO.... well if your going to take over the ranch in a few years this will be YOUR JOB... NO WAY... I'm NOT doing THAT... well then what ARE you going to do when a cow pushes her guts out....... Call the VET..!!!!

ROFL!

I always wanted to live on a farm... until now :P

I guess keeping the tail at bay is important, but what about the legs?! Don't cows kick?

Actually.. they are confined so they can't kick. There is a bar placed right behind their legs there.. GOOD THING.. they can break a leg in a second. and they have GREAT AIM... especially when your like digging around in places they don't want you to dig... BUT REALLY you get used to THAT sort of thing. OH... did I mention it was 5 below zero at the time...

Holy Cow! :P We would have been eating hamburgers for weeks, lol.

eeeep! wow! that's bad.... now i know why i never wanted to be a farmer....

Ok, so your swap might be a teensy bit late but I hope that's ok and you still give me lots of hearts, ok?

First off, I know you said in your profile that you are deathly allergic to peanuts, but you also said that you loved the color purple and chocolate candies so when I saw these special purple M&M's I just knew they were for you. Maybe you could just eat the chocolate off of the peanuts?

Anyway, after I had them all wrapped up for shipping (my puppy tore open the package and ate a few, I hope you don't mind) I hopped on the bus on my way to the post office. How was I to know it was the wrong bus?! Well, I wound up down at the Greyhound bus terminal instead of the city bus plaza so I figured I'd just jump on a bus heading the right way. Turns out AK stands for Alaska. I mean, who even know that?

So there I was, stuck on a bus headed north and starting to feel motion sick. I didn't want to get sick on the bus so I opened the window and stuck my head out. Unfortunately your package fell out as well. I screamed and yelled for the driver to stop (which he did) and then put up such a fuss about how important this swap package was that all of the other passengers got off the bus to help me look for it. After a few minutes we found it in the ditch next to an old shoe which I grabbed thinking it would be great for some future swap. So back on the bus we were heading for Alaska.

When we finally got to Alaska I headed straight to the post office to ship off your swap. For some reason the postal worker wouldn't send my package! They tried to tell me that it had insufficient postage but I kept explaining that it was a perfectly good 42 cent stamp I had put on it. Then the postal clerk said something about it being an "international" package and that required extra postage. So then I had to explain to the postal worker that we were in Alaska and I could practically see Russia from there so it shouldn't cost anymore than 42 cents.

For some reason they asked me to leave.

So here I am stuck in Alaska, using the computer in the library, explaining to you why I am a teensy bit late on your swap. As I am broke and hundreds of miles from home, I had to break into your package and eat the rest of the M&M's. But I will mail you the wrapper when I am done.

Don't forget to give me lots of great comments ok?

HAHAHA! I love it!

OMG-these are hysterical and I'm wondering if any of you are my swap partners, seeing as I will be a teensy weensy bit more understanding when the goodies arrive a year late

Well done lizanne! LMAO!

I'm loving these - any more?? Pleeeeeeasssse

ROFL love it! I'm waiting for a couple of swaps hope it's not going to turn out like these ones!

Thanks for the laughs @7bar7 & @lizanne

what does ROFL mean... dahhh...

ROFL = rolling on floor laughing

I think?

Yep, ROFL = rolling on floor laughing

I'm sorry that your atc will be a bit late...my dog ate it! Really, I know that's kinda hard to belive , but it's the absolute truth! I think she was attracted to it 'cause it was made with dried macaroni noodles. I had it all ready to go , extra postage and all ('cause it's THICK) it was sitting on the counter, ready to go in the mornig post. I don't know how she got ahold of it, but the nez=xt thing I know, there she was foaming at the mouth...alll poster paint, glitter and pasta. I don't get paid untill thmiddle of the month....did I mention that it will cost extra 'cause it's THICK? I'd make you another one, but I used all my scotch tape up on the last one, so everything will just have to wait until I can fit it into my budget. Oh my gosh, look at the time, I'm gonna be late for my pedicure, gotta go, thanks for being so understanding and not rating me a no send...cause I'm gonna send it, just alittle late!:)

Sorry your swaps are late. I'm in jail for duct taping the head of the annoying little brat who came to spend the night with my son Andy. Well, not so much for duct taping his head, but for accidentally covering his mouth with 10 layers of tape. See, it accidentally covered his nose too, and well, when I shoved his annoying tuckus into the closet I didn't notice that he couldn't breathe. I thought all the arm flailing was just something the little spazoid did all the time since I've seen nothing but his hyper little body jumping and flailing all over my house since 6:30 last night! Thank goodness I have the child's teachers as my witnesses for my temporary insanity case hearing. I'm sure they will find in my favor... they just HAVE to!

Oh Dearie me - you really are suffering from that child huh??? Hugs in sympathy :-D