CraftDiva4

From one mother to another I pray that things will work out for you dear. Faith is a healer. There is one person on Swap bot that Makes everything seem to feel better. Her Bot name is @AngietheArtist Many happy thoughts going your way dear.

wow that is so awefull what you are going through.I am a mom and just can't imagine the pain. Praying for you. Holly

Oh my gosh, Sheila! I can't even imagine what you are going through- I have 5 children myself and am a single mom and while my ex- husband is a jerk he never once did anything like this and I can't imagine that he would. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your precious son.

Honey, don't let your jerk of an ex pull you down! I'm so glad to hear Bakari is safe and I'm praying for you two that you'll be protected from such danger from now on. From the few interactions I've had with you I know you're truly an amazing and wonderful person and you don't deserve this at all.

Hold tight to your little boy and take good care of yourself. If you ever decide to come back to SB I hope you'll let me know.

(((BIG HUGS))) Take care and stay strong!

Love from your Swappin Sister,

Dani

shelia, do not leave SwapBot because of one review. We all make mistakes. If you need help making this up to AncientPlanter I would be willing to do what I can.

We are here for you!!! Don't go.

I do not know you, but I have been exactly where you are right now. My ex-husband kidnapped my children (who were ages 9 months and 3 years old at the time) and went across state lines (against our custody agreement) and hid them for 3.5 days. Because he was military at the time, I could get no help from any law enforcement. I basically had to go and "kidnap" my children back. (Our agreement was joint custody, with the children living with me) It was terrifying. My children (now ages 15 and 17) don't remember it, but they do remember seeing my ex arrested at our house when he tried to come and get them for an unscheduled visitation--basically, he showed up out of no where. My son locked himself in my car and wouldn't get out even when the police tried to talk to him. When they arrested my ex for trespassing, they searched his vehicle. He had knives and a gun. Needless to say, an order of protection was finally issued and he couldn't see the kids unless he took me back to court. In 2006, my current husband adopted the kids after my ex finally was convinced to give up his parental rights (basically the lawyers told him he wouldn't have to make up the back child support he owed if he gave them up). Everything is much better now. I know it must be difficult for you and I feel terrible that you have to experience this. I also feel terrible for your son. {{hugs}} If ever you want to talk, please msg me. I'll be giving you my email address too, so check your pm's. blessings, Gypsy

I will start by apologizing for not returning your journal or PM’s about it. You can think of me what you want and can call me a thief till the cows come home. I really am sorry and I know nothing I can tell you will ever make up or explain the situation so that you would feel differently. For that I am so very sorry. I have always been a woman of my word and it hurts me to know that I did not and haven’t lived up to that standard in this case.

I do not know where your journal is; I’ve looked for it and can’t seem to locate it. I am so very sorry and if there is anything I can do to replace it I will gladly do so.

I’ve always prided myself on being a private person and dealing with my issues alone, however I will share some information with you that will maybe soften your extreme anger you have toward me for losing the journal, not explaining and ignoring you inquiries.

In December 2009 my ex husband refused to meet me for a court order exchange with our 4-yr old son. I was to have our son for the Christmas holiday, however he refused to turn him over. Don’t know if you have children or have ever been through custody issues but in my case I had to file a motion in court to basically let the court know what my ex did.

By normal court rules the court would grant me make-up time with my son. I can go through this line by line but needless to say this continued for 7 months. For 7 months I did not see my baby. I was in court every month begging the court to act and do something. The judge would issue court order after court order but with no one to enforce them.

Finally on June 15th 2009 I was able to get a court order that would allow the police in Michigan to assist me in getting my son. With armed police officer at my side I tried to get my son back, but my ex refused telling the police they would have to use force to take our son from him. Since the court order did not say the police could use force they could not help me. I had to go back to court and get the language that “Law enforcement offices may use any means necessary including force to retrieve the minor child” If you are a parent the thought of police with guns drawn around your child is a very scary thing.

The police didn’t have to use force as my ex husband fled with our son. I finally filed parental kidnapping charges against him. He ran and hid with our son for several weeks before being caught. Don’t know if you or anyone close to you has ever gone through such a tragedy but seeing your son in the national database for missing and exploited children is not a nice thing.

I did get my son back but as a result had many more problems that I could begin to work out. I took time off of work unpaid and exhausted my savings to blanket the state of Michigan with flyers and going door to door. The choice to do so was mine and I had to deal with the consequences, which included eviction proceeding from my apartment. In a haste not have all my belonging tossed on the street I stashed as much as I could in friends basement, garages etc.

I believe your journal is somewhere with these things, but I’ve tried to look for it and can’t find.

Once again I’m really sorry, I can’t even begin to express my sincere regret.

I hope you understand how embarrassing it is for me a college educated woman who has already had things in her life together to admit that I was once marred to a monster who would kidnap his own child. That while I’m a professional woman I couldn’t pay my rent and was close to being evicted from my apartment.

I know I should have told you this and I’m think you would have understood but the problem is that I hadn’t really come to accept it.

This nightmare is far from over as despite the fact that the ex kidnapped out son the state of Michigan forced me to turn our son over to him. I’m supposed to pick up our son this weekend, however I have very little hope I will get him.

Once again please do not think that I’m for one moment think your anger and frustration is not justified, because it is!

You should not and have no reason to care about my personal problems. The bottom line is I said I would do something and didn’t do it so I am totally wrong for that.

Just in case you think this is a load of bull I will either attach the flyer or send you a link. Below is my victims impact statement I had to prepare for the court.

Sheila

Impact Statement

As I write this statement I’m still having a hard time thinking about the incident without experiencing feelings of anger, sadness, and fear. While I’m the complaining witness the real victim is an innocent 4-year old boy name Bakari. The abduction of Bakari by the defendant has been a tremendously fearful and stressful ordeal. The abduction was just the latest but most serious malicious act committed by the defendant.

The thought that the defendant and his father would put Bakari in a violent situation where the police would have to use force was unfathomable. I had thoughts that if the police actually had to use force to recover Bakari that it could result in injury or trauma to him or worse. Aside from getting sick to my stomach, I was overwhelmed with the fear that the defendant would run or hide Bakari, knowing that I would obtain a new court order allowing the police to use force.

I could not eat, sleep or concentrate on anything knowing that Bakari’s safety was at stake. What ran through my mind were all the recent news stories of parents who killed their children as a result of custody battles. The 5-yr old in Virginia, the 3 children killed in Baltimore and a host of others. I was an emotional wreck, but had to pull myself together to find a way to ensure that Bakari did not become a tragic news story.

Each call I placed to the defendant begging him to tell me the whereabouts of Bakari was so very difficult. I had no idea where Bakari was, if he was safe, if he was scared or if he knew what was happening. I spoke to the defendant while I was at the police station after completing the complaint and begged him extensively to please tell me where Bakari was, he refused.

I never wanted to think that my baby, Bakari, would ever be one of the 150,000 children abducted by parents each year. While I had a child ID safety kit with Bakari’s picture and fingerprints, nothing in that kit and no one could ever prepare me for the immense pain and despair I felt. All I could recall were the statistics I heard about how the likelihood of finding a missing child decreases significantly after so many hours/days have passed. I felt as if I had been shot, and then a ton of bricks were dropped on me.

A sinking feeling of impending doom came over me when I was told that an AMBER Alert could not be issued for Bakari because the defendant was the custodial parent.

I was so fearful that the complaint would not be taken seriously because he was the custodial parent, that kidnapping Bakari wasn’t a big deal. I had exhausted all remedies through civil court and had nowhere else to turn. I have fought through the Macomb County courts for the past 6 months as the defendant defied court ordered visitations. As directed by the court I filed my complaints with the court, as it was a “civil” matter. During this time, I had no contact with Bakari and had major concerns for his safety and the defendant’s mindset. I continued to work through the court to get court orders that would force the defendant to comply with the visitation schedule.

Law enforcement officials did everything they could and should to find Bakari. But as a mother, who loves Bakari more than anyone or anything in this world I wanted helicopters flying over the city, I wanted to interrupt the evening news to find my baby.

I had a lot of support from family and friends but the support could not ease the pain or the fear. Once I was informed that a warrant was issued for the defendant I felt better but not great. The updates from Detective Marci were helpful in keeping me informed but not at easing my mind.

Knowing the defendant had taken time off of work, that he hadn’t been home and that his parents would not talk to the police, I could only imagine the worst. Detroit is so close to the Canadian border; maybe he had taken Bakari there, I felt numb.

Making missing child flyers for Bakari felt surreal. It was like I was playing a part in a tragic Lifetime movie. I had researched information on the steps to follow if your child goes missing, from the flyers to ensuring that Bakari was in all the missing children databases. What was worse was that I had only seen him once since December 2008 (in Feb 09). I didn’t have a recent picture, I could only estimate his height and weight. Not having this most recent information would only hinder finding him quickly.

I could not work; I could not do anything other than try to find a way to help Bakari. He was in hiding or on the run because the defendant chose to kidnap him. I was so angry with the defendant, how could he do this to Bakari? What had Bakari done to him? I have never done anything to harm or endanger Bakari in any way. How could he be so angry that he was motivated to kidnap Bakari. How could he be so cold and unfeeling to keep Bakari from his mother for 7 months? How could he care so little about what’s best for Bakari that he would maliciously do everything including breaking the law to keep Bakari from me.

Knowing there was a warrant for his arrest and the defendant’s failure to turn over Bakari or turn himself in was even more stressful. I kept thinking would he resort to extreme measures rather than face felony charges, that he would physically injure Bakari or kill him.

I was finally reunited with Bakari but only after the defendant was arrested and taken to the Macomb County Jail did he reveal the whereabouts of Bakari. The relief, joy and elation at finally seeing my baby was unbelievable.

It was the second greatest day of my life, only second to the day Bakari was born.

While Bakari was not harmed physically the emotional and mental harm will only be learned over time. I told Bakari that I missed him and was happy to see him. Bakari told me that he wanted to see me but I “was too busy for him”. He made a wish and threw a penny in a fountain; his wish was that “Mommy would never leave him”. I can’t tell you how it broke my heart to hear him say this. Under any other circumstances it could be explained as the vivid imagination or typical behavior of a 4-year old. Given the recent situation and the past 7 months of not seeing his Mommy I feel that Bakari’s responses are a direct result of the defendant’s actions.

The times that the defendant defied court orders include Christmas, Bakari’s 4th Birthday, Easter and Mother’s Day, which are all big days in Bakari’s life. I ache for what Bakari must have thought and felt when he didn’t see Mommy for Christmas, why Mommy didn’t see him for his birthday. I’m certain that Bakari wasn’t told the truth by the defendant that he would not allow Bakari to see me.

The defendant believes that he controls when and how I see Bakari. I tried to make the court see the defendant was determined to prevent me from having a relationship with Bakari “at all costs”. For the past couple of years the defendant has filed motion after motion to reduce/eliminate my visitations with Bakari. When the court would not reduce/eliminate my visitation time the defendant took the law into his own hands and began defying court orders.

While Bakari is safe for now, my stomach turns at the thought that the defendant legally still has physical custody of Bakari. At the end of my visitation time the order currently states that he will be back with the defendant, his father. The same man who kidnapped him. The same man who prevented Bakari from seeing me for 7 months.

There is no way to teach Bakari what to do if the defendant abducts him again. It is easier to teach Bakari about “Stranger Danger” than when his father takes him away. If Bakari were in the presence of family (father, uncle, and grandparents) he would not think that they had done anything wrong, as they are familiar to him.

The defendant has demonstrated a clear and convincing pattern of willfully violating and ignoring court orders for the past 7 months. The escalation to kidnapping was just another willful violation of the law. With the established pattern I am fearful that if Bakari is returned to his custody this pattern will continue and put Bakari in greater danger. The defendant’s actions prove the extent he would go to prevent Bakari from seeing me.

It is not in the best interest of Bakari to be in the custody of the defendant, someone who would rather risk criminal prosecution rather than comply with civil court orders. It is not in the best interest for Bakari to be in an environment where his extended family (grandparents, uncle) fail to act in the best interest of Bakari, i.e. notify the police or DHS/DCFS of his whereabouts knowing the defendant had a warrant. The defendant’s family aided the defendant in kidnapping Bakari.

I beg the court to be Bakari’s advocate and take steps to ensure that the defendant never abducts Bakari again. I ask the court to show the defendant the seriousness of his actions and the harm he inflicted upon Bakari.

A vast majority of legislation and recovery strategies enacted regarding kidnapping are a result of situations that did not end well. Amber Hagerman’s abduction and murder inspired the AMBER Alert. The Michigan House Bill 4925 of 2007, which proposed adopting the Uniform Child Abduction Prevention Act died in the House.

I do not want the bill that does pass the House and Senate to be the Bakari Child Abduction Prevention Act as a result of another abduction by the defendant, which ends in Bakari’s murder.

I plead with the court to protect Bakari and to seriously take into account his best interests.

I ask the court that the defendant be prosecuted to the full extent of the law, that he be held accountable for his criminal actions.

I am very scared that if not prosecuted or if given leniency the next time, and there will be a next time, the defendant will either take Bakari out of the country or take his life.

A Fearful and Concerned Mother,